TO SHARE OR NOT TO SHARE

Remember a time you were praying with a group. Did you share a prayer request? Why or why not? Just like any social setting in which we find ourselves, there are reasons behind why we respond in a specific way. But are they valid biblical reasons? Maybe asking questions about whether or not we share requests in a group is a bit of overthinking, but if we are seeking to honor God in every area of our lives, then this area deserves an honest look.

First thing we might consider is the group context. I have the most regular experiences praying with suburban and predominantly white Americans. As such, people expect a certain level of privacy to be met. With a large group of mostly strangers, people typically don’t share very personal requests. You’ll mostly get requests for a sick aunt or the salvation of a friend. In a smaller group with friends, you’ll hear more personal requests. One on one, people are likely to share their deeper burdens. Your context might be very different from mine! It’s a good idea to spend some time observing your groups.

Considering my context, there are some good reasons for timing requests. People are careful not to gossip through requests because they value privacy. This is good because God tells us to not gossip or spread disunity so we don’t want to be using group prayer time as a way to point out other people’s problems (Titus 3:2). It’s also good that on a smaller level, most people are willing to be more vulnerable and go deeper in relationships. Even Jesus had disciples that he was closer with then others.

But there are some downsides to this context. People can be very judgmental of others who are willing to share their lives with anyone and everyone. It is also easy to become self-righteous because we think we don’t need to ask for help. It is easy to become too self-reliant because we can start to think we don’t need others. It can also foster a fear of intimacy with other believers. I’ve seen people who only share with the big group because they like to keep things more anonymous so they don’t have to have accountability. These people feel too exposed in smaller groups. I’ve also seen people who are cliquish never share in a big group because other people don’t deserve to hear their problems. They love sharing in small groups with just their friends, but might refrain from offering a personal request with a large group because it will make them look weak. They are hesitant to humble themselves and ask for help.

See, there’s a lot of thought, maybe mostly subconscious, that goes into our decisions about sharing requests with groups. I encourage you to spend some time examining your heart on this matter. Whatever your context, remember that it is good to ask others to pray for you. Paul asked for prayer many times (2 Thess. 3:1; 2 Cor. 1:11; Col. 4:3; 1 Thess. 5:25). Someone’s even to churches here hadn’t visited! We also know we are to pray for others (Eph. 6:18). How can we pray for others if they don’t share? Likewise, how can others pray for us if we don’t share? I think the when and where depends on your heart. Maybe your social context is hindering you from humbling yourself and sharing. Maybe your context is encouraging bad habits of seeking pity. I don’t know your individual situation, but I do know it’s good to pray, it’s good to pray for others, and it IS good to ask for prayer. Consider that next time you’re in a group.

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